so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
