if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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