my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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