I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
