his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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