We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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