:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
