When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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