the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
