i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
