This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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