There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
