I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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