sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
