I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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