The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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