cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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