I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
