Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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