I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
