so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
the raccoons are back...
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