I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
