You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
