bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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