Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
