Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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