Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
