did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
