i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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