if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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