you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
