i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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