the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
