Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
