take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
