It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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