I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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