lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
