ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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