I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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