I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
