5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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