At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
