Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
