It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
