WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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