it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
