it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have fence marks all over my body
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
