Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
