Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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