when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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