It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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