My room smells like vodka and shame
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
